


Nobody Told Me You’d Be Here

by te_chan11



Category: Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:28:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22157839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/te_chan11/pseuds/te_chan11
Summary: Okura attends the premier of Ryo’s first film since leaving the group. They hadn’t spoken since he left and Okura was left with no closure. He wasn’t expecting to see him in person.
Relationships: Nishikido Ryo/Ohkura Tadayoshi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9
Collections: Je-united Exchange 2020





	Nobody Told Me You’d Be Here

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lalois](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalois/gifts).



> I was listening to Adele’s When We Were Young when writing this so it became some of the inspiration. I hope this fic can help heal your heart though it deals with Ryo’s departure from the group!  
> And thank you so much to the lovely person who beta-read this fic! I appreciate your help!

The theatre was packed. Okura assumed as much. This was a highly anticipated movie. It was, after all, Ryo’s first appearance on the silver screen since leaving the group and the agency. Most of Ryo’s time, both before and after leaving had been consumed by his music. That was his first and true passion. Ryo was eager and itching to start on his own for a while, even before it was truly official within the group. And the second his contract ended, Ryo set the media ablaze with all the projects he’d been keeping secret for nearly a year.

If Okura was being honest, he would admit that knowing Ryo was working on his own record label, a new album, a new tour, while still with the group stung like hell. There was so much uncertainty after Subaru left. They had done well their first year as six, and now they were thrown back into a huge mess of adjustments yet again. They were doing fine. Hina pushed them forward with his never-ending positivity and need to stay busy. Their first tour as five was successful. Yet again, they had proved themselves as capable of meeting and exceeding the expectations of the fans.

Ryo didn’t need to worry one bit about his success.

Ryo had always been loved. Even in his rebellious, trouble making stage, he had his loyal fans who would never leave him. This was made even more clear at 12:01 AM October 1st, 2019 that he didn’t need to worry about filling his stadiums. From the beginning, he was set up to succeed. The overcrowded theatre was also proof of that. No matter what Ryo did, he would be loved.

Okura wished he wasn’t part of that group. Years had already passed, and there was still a dull throbbing in his heart. He occupied himself with work. He had his own projects, he worked with Yoko more and more helping the juniors. He worked with the others on album and tour concepts. He had to keep his mind busy.

But when Okura was at home, finally able to rest, he thought about Ryo. So much time had passed since they last spoke. He couldn’t tell whose fault it was. Was it Ryo’s, because he wanted to distance himself from his past so much he’d get rid of his close friendships? Or was it Okura’s own fault, too nervous and unsure of how things were left between them?

They had never been an ‘official’ thing. Okura had never been sure how Ryo viewed their relationship. Okura considered them together, but in an open relationship. Well, they had to keep up a certain front. Unfortunately, from the number of tabloids that were written about their nightly escapades, they did too good of a job. In their private time, though, they could let all that go.

It was a release, being together. A great stress relief. After a particularly rough day of filming or rehearsals, they would find themselves in a spare room with the door locked. They had to be quick about it, especially while on tour when the other members had to wait for each other. They would be both hyped to the max and completely exhausted at the same time, sometimes resulting in something clumsy and messy, but that was fine with Okura. If it gave him some alone, intimate time with Ryo, he would take anything.

Even without all that, they were close friends. They hung out a lot together during their free time. The only other member that may have surpassed their level of friendship was Yasu, but that dynamic was different. It felt like him and Yasu were more like brothers, taking care and looking out for each other. Sure, they may have done a lot of the same things Okura and Ryo did together. But it wasn’t the same. With Ryo, there was this undeniable attraction. This longing to be with him. The dread when it was time to say ‘bye’, and the wait until the next time they could be alone.

Had Ryo felt the same? Did he have the same desire to see him, to be close, to feel him? Surely, Ryo was hurting as much as he was. It was too painful to keep in touch now that their lives were separated from each other. Many times over Okura tried to convince himself that was why they drifted apart. Of course, Ryo would want Okura to move on and find someone else that he could keep forever, so Ryo stayed away.

It never worked. Each and every time these thoughts came to him, they would be shot down with an angry ‘ _That’s bullshit.’_

There was no good reason Okura could think of for Ryo to just abandon him like this. There was no reason why their relationship couldn’t have worked out in some way, even with Ryo now solo. There was no reason Ryo couldn’t continue talking to him.

The thoughts gave Okura a sour taste in his mouth. Shaking his head, he put his attention on the screen as the lights dimmed and the film began. He knew he couldn’t hate Ryo. Much like all the others in the crowded theatre. It was impossible. No matter how many times he tried to convince himself it might be easier on him. He tried to forget, but Ryo was everywhere.

At the end of the film, there was a standing ovation. Another great film to add to his repertoire. It was darker than others Ryo had starred in, but the emotion of the film just poured out into everyone in the audience. Truly moving. It wasn’t the normal kind of movie that Okura usually liked, but it was one of the best ones he’d seen yet.

After the film, the director came on stage to say a few words. The crowd was quiet and respectful , but Okura couldn’t really care less what he had to say. Now that the movie was over, he was ready to leave. He’d seen enough of Ryo to last him for the rest of the month. But it would be rude to get up and leave like he wanted to.

“And now,” the director said, though Okura was hardly paying attention. “A special treat for our guests here tonight.” He held his arm out to the side of the stage. A man emerged from the curtains and the crowd went wild.

Ryo walked across the stage, blessing everyone with his presence. Okura’s eyes followed his every move, his heart thumping in his chest. He hadn’t expected to see Ryo there. It hadn’t been announced that he would make an appearance. The scream from the audience was deafening. Ryo smiled and waved at the fans, in that awkward way he always did. He stood in front of a microphone, answering questions. It was the first time Okura heard is voice in person instead of through a speaker. Okura couldn’t look away from him. Ryo was talking and Okura could clearly hear it, but it was impossible to focus on the words. Nothing else mattered except the fact Ryo was there, right in front of him, so close. A couple times Okura could have sworn they made eye contact, but he was just another face in the crowd.

~*~

Okura stood in front of a door with Ryo’s name next to it. One of the staff let him backstage. Okura took advantage of the fact that she had also been a fan of his. He expected to meet some resistance, but most others left him alone. Now that he found the room and there was only a door separating them Okura wished someone had kicked him out. He didn’t belong there after all. The longer he stood there, the less courage he had to face Ryo after so long. Would Ryo even want to see him? Would he be annoyed? Shut the door in his face? Okura’s stomach was churning.

Okura let out a loud groan and leaned his head against the door. He couldn’t do it. The opportunity was there, Ryo was so close, all he’d wanted to do all this time was talk to him in person, yet he didn’t have the strength. Maybe it was a sign. With a sigh, Okura pushed himself off the door and left down the hall.

“Hey, Okura.” The familiar voice halted him in his tracks. His heart was beating loudly in his ears. Slowly he turned, trying to seem casual about it, like he didn’t feel like he was going to die in that moment. He fisted his hands to hide the fact they’d begun to sweat. Nishikido Ryo stood behind him, staring at him.

“Ry-“ Okura stopped himself. Ryo had called him by his last name. Of course, they weren’t close anymore. “Nishikido-san.”

Ryo cringed before laughing it off. “Why so formal?”

“You started it.” Okura said, his defenses up. It’d been so long since he’d heard that laugh in person. It was like being transported years into the past, when they were all whole.

“Let’s get as drink together. For old times sake.” Ryo nodded towards his dressing room, and Okura didn’t hesitate to follow. 

“So, where’s everyone else?” Ryo passed a beer to Okura as they sat on the comfortable, plush couch. 

“They’re busy. You know, solo stuff. I really like these movies, so I wasn’t going to miss the premiere.”

They popped open the drinks, and Okura couldn’t help but nearly chug it, trying to get rid of the nerves. Silence fell between them, but it wasn’t as uncomfortable as Okura expected.

“You guys have been doing great, you know.”

“We have to.” Okura took a long drink from the bottle. “Hina wouldn’t let us rest until we proved successful. But we’re carrying on.” Ryo looked away, slight sadness in his eyes. “Anyway, you’re doing great for yourself, too. Your first tour went well. What else could we expect from Nishikido Ryo.”

“You all are jerks, you know that?” Ryo said, the words at first striking Okura in the heart, before he saw the trouble-making smirk on Ryo’s face. “You knew I was planning my tour for November. And you assholes announce a fucking 47 prefecture tour in the same breath as my resignation.” 

Okura chuckled. “Yeah well, we had to do something. In the end it kind of felt like we were competing for a while.”

Okura couldn’t look away from Ryo. He was older now. They all were. But somehow, he seemed younger. Full of more energy than he’d seen in quite some time. Happier. It’s all he wanted for Ryo. So why did it hurt so much?

“Do you ever miss it?”

Ryo considered the question. “Miss what?”

“Us. What we used to have.”

“Being in Johnny’s was comfortable, in a way. I knew I’d get jobs just from having the title. Sometimes I miss singing our old songs. Being crazy on stage with everyone. But, you know, there’s a time when-“

“That’s not what I meant.”

For the first time since they sat down, Ryo met his eyes. Okura waited, his heart pounding so hard in his chest he thought it might just break through. They had never officially ended things. It was something unspoken. Of course, with them removed from each other it was impossible to continue. But without an actual break-up, there was no closure. Okura couldn’t move on and forget about it.

Ryo sighed. He ran his hand over his face, rubbing his eye. Okura focused on the floor. Watching Ryo struggle with the question hurt more than just being told ‘no’. His stomach just flipped over and over. Ryo signed again. Okura couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m sorry.” Okura stood and walked to the door. “You must be tired, I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

“Wait.” Ryo said as Okura turned the doorknob. “Just come back.”

Okura went back, his steps slow and unsure. As he neared the couch, Ryo became impatient and grabbed Okura’s arm, pulling him down to the couch. “I’m fine on my own, you know? I can do it. I’ve been doing it. Everything. I’m my own boss. If I want to perform a certain song, I will. If I want to collaborate with someone, I will. I don’t have to answer to anyone. I don’t have to cater to anyone. I can do whatever I want and be whoever I want. I have total control. It’s great. I love it.” Ryo’s head lowered, his shoulders sagged. His voice softened. “I love it.”

Okura stared at the man sitting next to him. Someone he used to know so well. Who was confident and bright and passionate on stage, shy and awkward behind the scenes. He waited, watching Ryo change from a guy boasting about his accomplishments to someone so unsure of himself. Okura’s own feelings of anxiety over the situation melted away, replaced by the sadness that started radiating off Ryo.

“I love it but it’s…” Ryo took a deep breath. “It’s lonely.”

Okura’s heart ached. Ryo’s eyebrows knitted together and a deep frown formed. Okura could feel his expression mimic Ryo’s as he felt his pain. He wanted nothing more than to reach out to Ryo and hold him tight, but he held back against the magnetic pull that urged him forward.

“I don’t regret going solo. I needed to do that. But holding myself up in a room, writing the music myself, planning all of this by myself… I don’t know. I miss the noise everyone used to make. The ridiculous ideas we’d all come up with. Sometimes I dreaded doing them, but in the end, it was a lot of fun. Now, I just have myself to argue with. A couple times, I had the urge to put myself into a baggy yellow jump suit with an 8 on my ass or a girls school uniform, but I resisted.”

A snort escaped from Okura as he imagined Ryo, standing all alone on stage in his old Kyanjani skirt and wig, completely embarrassed and not knowing what to do from there. The audience would be shouting at how cute he was, and he’d lash out at them. He’s not cute after all. He’s cool.

“Hey, I’m trying to be serious here!” Ryo scolded, his voice light, cracking with a laugh.

“Sorry. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you dressed like that, the image was awful!”

They laughed. The tension in the air cleared. Okura was bent over, holding his stomach, his ‘ha’s coming out loud and clear, while Ryo leaned back against his corner of the couch, his head falling back. It had been so long since they had such a good laugh together. It was like they were being sent back in time. Okura reveled in it and didn’t want it to end. The pain in his stomach from all the laughing forced him to stop. With a few more chuckles, Okura reached out to steady himself, his hand landing on Ryo’s knee. Silence fell between them once again, but now they could meet each other’s eyes.

Okura had forgotten he had his hand on Ryo’s knee until Ryo’s hand enveloped his. Swallowing a hard lump that had formed in his throat, he looked from his hand to Ryo again. He could feel his face heating up.

“I have a break coming up.” Ryo said, squeezing Okura’s hand tighter. “You’re activities are slowing down a bit too, right? We should hang out sometime.”

Okura nodded, though he couldn’t be totally sure he heard Ryo right. Would they really meet, or was he just being polite, he wondered. But as Ryo stared at him, his eyes so soft and sure, Okura knew he meant it. “Yeah, we should.”

Ryo smiled warmly. His eyes glanced quickly up at the clock on the wall, his smile falling. “Sorry, I should probably start getting ready to head out. My day isn’t over yet.” He sighed, acting like it was such a pain, though Okura could see that wasn’t the case.

“I should get going too.” He didn’t want to leave so soon, but it was time. They walked together to the door and the amount of lingering they did proved Ryo didn’t want him to leave either. But it didn’t feel so final this time.

“Bye.” Ryo said, his eyes locked onto Okura’s.

Heat rose through Okura’s body. “Bye.”

The pause grew, their eyes never leaving each other’s. Okura’s heart beat quickened with every second. He knew he would deeply regret it if he didn’t take his chance now. In one swift movement he pulled Ryo to him and Okura pressed his lips against his. It was far from the long, sensual kiss he had been accustomed to at one time, but just this simple kiss sent him over the moon. Ryo’s hand gripped his arm, not to push him away but keep him close.

The kiss felt both incredibly long and much too short. They pulled apart, their breaths quick as they readjusted themselves. It was harder to look at him, but Okura felt happy that his gesture had been returned.

“So yeah,” Ryo said, opening the door. “See you later.”

Ryo was embarrassed, and it was too cute. Okura had the urge to tease him, but now wasn’t the time. That could wait. “Yeah, see you.”

The door closed slowly behind Okura. He took a deep breath and left down the hall, not looking back. It could be that that was their last meeting. If that were so, Okura at least had some closure. Thinking about the past wouldn’t hurt so much. He could be content with their goodbye this time.

A buzzing came from Okura’s pocket. Unlocking it, a message from Ryo flashed across the screen. ‘Tuesday, 8 PM. My place.” The text read. Through the blush, Okura smiled once more, sliding his phone back into his pocket, already eager for the next week to come.


End file.
